Monthly Archives: January 2010

jerry seinfeld: future-parodist savant

No, seriously.  Twelve-and-a-third years ago, an episode of Seinfeld aired which featured the following exchange:

George: So what, he’s got a couple of good jokes.

Jerry: Like what, Ovaltine? Why do dogs drink out of the toilet? Shopping carts with one bad wheel?

George: That’s true, that always happens to me.

Jerry: You think that’s funny?

George: I don’t know, I like stuff you don’t have to think about too much.

Jerry: You like Bania’s act. You’re a closet Bania fan!

George: Maybe I am.

Jerry: Oh, I’m gonna puke.

George: Puke! That’s a funny word. Puke. (laughing) puke! Don’t have to think about that.

Now, in January of 2010, couldn’t you easily replace “Bania” with “Leno” and sum up the whole experience?  I mean, that’s why people watch Leno, right?  You don’t really have to pay attention…and if you happen to look up from your scrapbooking for a minute, you might get a chuckle.  So I guess that what I’m really trying to say is:

Conan:Seinfeld::Leno:Kenny Bania.

SAT-styles.  Damn right.

You know…now that I think on it…does anybody else think that maybe Kenny Bania is Jay Leno?  I mean, Jerry was good friends with Letterman, and Bania first appeared on Seinfeld in 1994, one year after Letterman acrimoniously left NBC for CBS because of Leno.  Hm.

update: so here’s an interesting thing

I’m absolutely certain that the Pac-10’s high degree of suck has nothing to do with this, but I guess you never know:

so here’s an interesting thing

I know, I know…half of i am whaleman’s readers will strongly disagree with that title as they will think to themselves, “Self, I don’t find that interesting in the least.  i am whaleman doesn’t even know me anymore!”  But you’d be wrong.  See the first and second sentences to see why i am whaleman totally still knows you.

Anyway, I was chattin’ with my main man Mr. Fong today, and we realized that there are no Pac-10 teams in either of the top 25 polls (I know, I know…it’s been that way for two weeks now.  Bite me).  Now, the last time there were zero Pac-10 teams in the Top 25 was 1987, which is fairly interesting…but what’s more interesting was the question Mr. Fong posited: What is the westernmost team in the Top 25?  Good question, Mr. Fong.  We debated, and eventually discovered, that despite consideration of Lawrence and Manhattan, the westernmost city in which a Top 25 team is located is…Austin, Texas.  Isn’t that crazy?

Now I know, I know…some of you are saying, “But wait!  Gonzaga is in the Top 25!  The Top 10 even (in the ESPN poll)!”  But as we all know, Gonzaga is not even a real school, let alone a real basketball team.  The same applies to BYU (!) and New Mexico.  So…UT it is.  Thanks for nothing, Pac-10.  You’re leaving an awfully large area of the country unrepresented with your high degree of suck.

hey kids! do you like the daft punk?

Well, y’oughter.  What could possibly be better than two Frenchy djs (one with the exceptionally French name Guy-Manuel de Homem-Christo!) who style themselves as robots and then play kickass music?  Nothing, says I.  Now, apparently DP is going to be providing the soundtrack for the new Tron movie (you can check the trailer here).  Apparently the following song is an early release from the movie…unless it isn’t:

That’s tremendous.  Now, if you’re in the mood for some funkier fayre, check this:

So cool.  And of course, I would be remiss if I did not follow that with this amazing video (which of course cannot be embedded because of goldurned EMI!).

But hey!  Check out this awesome cover of Around The World.

Who?  Señor Coconut?  Damn right, Señor Coconut.  Señor Coconut might be the world’s greatest human.  Tikified!

(Also, I first saw that first DP song at the very cool highsnobiety.com.  Check ’em out!)

“dude, i am whaleman is so dang hilarious!” -turtle

No, seriously!  Effin’ hilarious!  Even when linking to stuff!

I know, I know…most of you have wasted significant time on this site.  But on the off-chance that you haven’t…

And going along with that is this…animals are funny, too.

And this makes me wish I lived in a place that had a subway…or clever vandals…who spoke English…(and if that link doesn’t take you to the one about injured children, you’d be well-served to click on until you at least get to that one).

i am whaleman: now settling bets

That’s right.  Settling bets.  I’m currently working on settling a hotly contested intra-Cantus bet, so go ahead and imagine what that could possibly be about.  I’m consulting my sources via The Tubes and soon There Will Be Only One.

pac-man haircut > wispy amish beard

I say that based upon the following indisputable photo evidence (from bitmob):

You can’t see it?  You want a zoomed-in shot?  Ok:

Damn right that’s the guy who picked off Favre’s pass.  So clearly,

Brett Favre:Pac-Man::Tracy Porter:Inky (or Blinky or Pinky or Clyde).

Oh yeah…and Wispy Amish Beard?  Check it:

Apparently that dude refuses to trim that thing until the Vikings win the Super Bowl.  And that picture was featured in an article that basically says that he’ll finally get to shave his beard off.  It was published on Saturday.

Whoops.